According to a recent Wall Street Journal poll, for the first time parents in the United States are using "time out" to discipline their children more frequently than they use spanking and hitting.
Requiring a child to take a brief time out in a quiet corner away from toys, television and playmates immediately after misbehaving is more effective than spankings, says Yale psychologist Alan Kazdin, who is pleased parents are getting the message that physical punishment is a poor teaching method with frightening side effects.
The shift to a gentler, more effective form of discipline is long overdue, he says, but he cautions parents to remember that this milder form of punishment must be paired with plenty of "time in" -- a system of rewards to teach good behavior -- in order to work.
"Parents must remember that time out, although preferable to physical punishment, is still punishment and only teaches a child what not to do instead of what to do -- a fact that has been illustrated in dozens of studies with children of all ages, both at home and in school," he says. "Emphasis needs to be placed on rewarding desired behavior, not on punishing and unwittingly reinforcing deviant behavior."
Another misconception about time outs is that more is better. Not true, he says. As little as 30 to 90 seconds is long enough for each time out, he writes in a chapter on punishment in his 1994 book "Behavior Modification in Applied Settings" by Brooks/Cole Publishing Co.
"This is quite different from sending children to their rooms for 30 to 60 minutes, as parents often do, or for 8 or 9 hours, as abusive parents occasionally do," says Professor Kazdin, director of the Yale Child Conduct Clinic, who specializes in treating anti-social and violent behavior in children and adolescents. "You don't need to take a child's bicycle away for three months. Such punishments are not only unnecessary but likely to be ineffective for the child and frustrating for the parents."
He cites the case of an 8-year-old boy who was locked out of his house for four days for getting into trouble at school. The parents had escalated the number and severity of time outs to a dangerous point in a misguided effort to "teach the child once and for all" to behave at school, he says.
In response to confusion about how and when to use time out, Professor Kazdin offers these suggestions to parents:
-- Use rewards for good behavior, such as compliments, special privileges, smiles and hugs, at least 5 to 10 times more often than you use time outs. An even higher ratio is better, he says, adding that you should spend most of your time rewarding the behavior you want.
-- Reinforce each new effort the child makes toward a goal, no matter how small. For example, if you want a child to learn to clean her room, begin by praising her for putting a few toys in the toy box. The next time, reward the child for picking up all toys and hanging up some clothes, thereby encouraging her to complete a little more of the task each time.
-- When punishment is necessary, alternate mild forms of punishment, such as a grimace or a mild reprimand, with time outs. Studies show that varying the forms of punishment is more effective, notes the psychologist.
-- For the best learning, make sure the time out comes as soon after the undesirable behavior as possible. Consequences need to be immediate, and discipline needs to be consistent, says Professor Kazdin.
-- Do not use physical punishment, which only teaches the child to avoid being around you and makes the child anxious and aggressive. You will find more opportunities to teach your child the desired behavior if your child feels comfortable and safe around you.
-- Both praise and criticism need to be as specific as possible for maximum learning. Instead of telling a child his drawing is nice, say "I like the way you drew the cow's ears and gave it brown spots."
-- If you want to stop a specific behavior, identify the "positive opposite" behavior, some action you would like to see your child do instead. Reward that positive behavior consistently.
-- Remember that harsh physical punishment not only doesn't work but has very undesirable side effects, Professor Kazdin says. "Children who are beaten hit others more frequently than children who are not," he says. "They also adapt quickly to punishment, which means spanking and yelling might work the first few times, but are less effective with repeated use. Most parents can testify to that reality."
At Yale's Child Conduct Clinic, Professor Kazdin treats children ages 2 to 13 for problems with aggression, fighting and vandalism. Parents of children under age 7 learn new skills to reward good behavior. Children age 7 and older also receive individual therapy while parents and teachers learn how to reinforce their improved behavior in school, in the community and at home. Many of the clinic's children have been physically abused.
"Even if they use no physical punishment, parents need to take a brief, self-imposed time out to ask themselves whether they are overusing time outs to discipline their children, and whether they have lost sight of the real goal, which is teaching children the right things to do," Professor Kazdin says. "Mild punishments included as part of a larger program that reinforces positive behaviors can teach a child much more effectively than punishment alone."
An effective method for teaching good behavior is to keep a daily reward chart on the refrigerator, Professor Kazdin says. The chart should include desired behaviors, such as setting the table, doing homework and feeding a pet. Start with just five minutes of homework a day if the child isn't doing any, recommends the psychologist, and gradually increase the time. Points for completing tasks can translate into small rewards, such as playing an extra video game, choosing dinner, more telephone time, extended curfew or other privileges.
Don't forget to praise the child for a job well done, notes Professor Kazdin.. "Research has shown that praise is effective not only with children but also with adults," he says. "You can shape the behavior of other family members and co-workers through praise as effectively as you can shape the behavior of a child. We never outgrow our need for approval."