While they may drive only 15 miles per week, carpooling parents can spend up to seven hours a week in the car waiting for and shuttling their charges, so they need to be prepared, says a Yale psychologist who recently developed tips to make carpooling safer and more enjoyable at the request of Nissan Motor Corp. U.S.A
"Plan some games to keep active children entertained, just as you would for a cross-country trip," suggests Dorothy Singer, research scientist in psychology. "Keep in mind you may be spending as much time together in the car each week as it takes to drive from Boston to Philadelphia, or from Denver to Santa Fe."
Nissan's random survey last spring of 300 parents and 300 children revealed that the average carpool parent is 40 years old and shuttles three children. The most frequent destination is school, followed by sports, music lessons and scouts, in that order. Convenience and saving money on gas were cited by parents as the chief benefit of carpooling.
The Yale psychologist, who has spent many hours carpooling -- first with her own three sons and now with her grandchildren -- recently completed a news media tour sponsored by Nissan, which plans to publish her tips next March in a brochure.
Singer offers the following advice to carpooling parents:
* Hold a parents meeting. Before a carpool even begins, parents should meet to talk about safety procedures, discipline, snacks, being on time, emergency phone numbers and even food allergies, says the psychologist. She suggests keeping the meeting casual since having
written guidelines might make things feel antagonistic. But never go anywhere without the telephone numbers of the other parents at home and work, and the names of back-up family or friends who can be called in an emergency, she says.
* Make safety a top priority. See that younger children are in age-appropriate car seats or booster chairs, even for the shortest trips, she says. All children younger than age 12 should ride in the back seat of cars equipped with air bags. "Ask children to put both hands on their noses before you shut doors, which ensures that no little fingers will be caught in a door," says Singer, who is codirector of the Yale University Family Television Research and Consultation Center. "Continue the game by having children check their seat belts and door locks before starting out." Do not allow children to eat hard candy or lollipops in transit, since a child can easily choke on these if the car stops suddenly, she adds.
* Set "rules of the road." Discipline can be a contentious issue, warns Singer. It is important that parents explain the rules to their children and review them occasionally, to be sure everyone understands what kind of behavior is expected in the car, she says. "If things get out of hand, pull off the road to let everyone have a cooling off period before you continue on your way. If a child continues to misbehave, phone his or her parents when you get home, and if the unruly behavior continues, you may have to drop the child from the car pool," notes Singer. "Decide with the other parents how many chances children get before being excluded."
* Listen and learn. According to the Nissan study, parents believe that one of carpooling's greatest benefits is the opportunity to spend time with their children. A parent can learn a great deal about the youth culture, Singer says, and may find teenagers are more willing to open up in the car or to each other about their concerns. "Never wear headphones in the car," she adds, "not only because of the safety risk but because you need to listen to what the children are talking about. Sometimes you can learn a great deal about your own child when you listen wisely."
* Plan activities. Younger children especially might need something to occupy them on the ride, notes Singer. She suggests taking along finger puppets, story tapes for youngsters to listen to or musical tapes for sing-alongs. She advises giving smaller children magnetic boards with numbers and letters, instead of pencils and crayons, which can roll on the floor, and giving magnetic game boards to older children. The local library is a good source of ideas for games that can be played in transit, she adds. "Prepare a list of things to do in the car and post it on your refrigerator or bulletin board," Singer advises. "Keep a copy in the car so you can refer to it before you set out."
Similarly, parents should plan what they can do while they are waiting for their charges' activities to end, notes Singer. This can include everything from sewing or knitting, to working crossword puzzles, catching up on correspondence, writing a shopping list, listening to tapes or just closing their eyes and daydreaming, she says.